Mom defends 13-year-old daughter in strongly worded email to terrible teacher: 'I'm sorry, but that is not a lesson I feel comfortable teaching my daughter'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Sometimes, teachers do not know best. Sure, nine times out of ten, teachers have to deal with the entitlement of both students and parents alike, and as the child of a teacher, in these conflicts, I tend to side with the people who devote their professional careers to education despite a general lack of respect (not to mention, a lack of pay). 

Still, every so often, you come across a story in which a parent is formally complaining for a justified reason. In this case, that had to do with a mother's daughter getting into trouble for refusing to collaborate with a male student who was causing trouble at recess. Kudos to this lady for not only standing up for her daughter but also for gaining the support of other parents of kids in the class to prove her point.

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    Cheezburger Image 10458827776
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This mother was passionate about teaching her daughter that there was no reason why she had to associate herself with troublesome classmates who were consistently unkind to her. Her daughter was the subject of poor treatment from a male classmate, and the teacher had been made aware of this conflict. Still, however, her daughter was the one who got in trouble for not wanting to be paired in a group with this kid on a group project.

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    My daughter is 12, I'm trying to teach her ways of creating and respecting her boundaries that are age appropriate. Teaching her that it's ok to say "No" to things she feels uncomfortable with.
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    There is a boy in her class who keeps bothering her and her female friends at recess. I've encouraged her to go to me or her teacher when this happens.
    via protectivemommyg
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    My daughter told me a few days ago that in class, the teacher had asked the kids to form groups of about four or five. She had formed a group of five with some other girls, then the boy who had been giving her trouble at recess
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    came over and said he was joining their group. Another girl said that they already have five, and he should work with a group who only have two or three people.
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    Cheezburger Image 10458825728
    via Aaron Burden
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    He said no because the teacher had said "about" four or five. My daughter then said that they didn't want to work with him, and he should find another group. A
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    few of the other girls agreed with her. He said that "you can't exclude me like that, it's against class rules" and she said she didn't care.
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    I heard about this from my daughter first, and the way she talked about it, she had been firm but not unkind.
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    But then I got an email from her teacher saying she wanted to call. She said there had been an incident at school where my daughter had excluded another
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    child, and that wasn't allowed in her class, and she wanted me to have a talk with her about it. Her telling of events was the same as my daughter's. I felt proud of my daughter for her honesty.
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    I sent her an email saying.. Dear Mrs. (Teacher) I'm sorry, but that is not a lesson I feel comfortable teaching my daughter.
    via protectivemommyg
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    She's at the age where she is already having to deal with unwanted attention, and I'm making a point to teach her that she does not have to be around anyone who makes her uncomfortable. And that a young lady is able to choose to spend time with people who make her feel respected.
    via protectivemommyg
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    I understand you already are aware (Boy) has been behaving in ways that she feels uncomfortable with at recess, from our prior conversations.
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    I think it is a very dangerous lesson to teach a girl she has to include and be kind to everyone, instead of teaching her to be aware of when someone is not respecting her "No" and stepping out of the situation.
    via protectivemommyg
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    I hope I don't have to explain in too much detail why I find this important... But to put it briefly, I was brought up with the "Include everyone" mindset. No exceptions. It taught me to ignore
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    my own comfort level, and as I became a young adult I became the victim of men who used my inability to say "No" to their advantage. It's a dangerous. lesson, and no longer appropriate at that age. Thank you,
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    She emailed me back asking for a meeting in person with the principal. I'm preparing for that but wondering if my email was too harsh AITA for my response to my daughter's teacher?
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    Edit to update... I reached out to the parents of the other four girls in the class who were involved, and we all coordinated to go speak to the school administration together.
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    They had similar views, thinking it was inappropriate for the school to expect the girls work with someone who they're not comfortable with, and frustrated the teacher didn't do more to deal with the issues during recess that made the girls uncomfortable to start with.
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    I ended up asking the school if we could reschedule the meeting to a time all the involved families could make, and we ended up meeting this afternoon along with my husband, another couple, two mothers, and a father. Along with the teacher and principal.
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    We all presented a united front asking for the following... The school does training for the teachers on trauma-informed teaching methods and the dangers of expecting young women to go against their best judgement of their own boundaries to be "nice". Instead
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    of "Include everyone" the kids should be allowed to respectfully set boundaries and taught to respect each other's boundaries. The school addresses harassment in class or at recess and doesn't enable it to continue.
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    We went to talk, and I think it went a lot better having all the parents join instead of if I'd gone alone. The teacher and principal apologized and the principal agreed to look for resources on how to better navigate the balance between being inclusive and not forcing kids into including someone who is crossing a line with them.
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    Thanks a lot for all the amazing advice in the comments, I cannot believe how much this blew up and I'm so grateful to everyone who replied with advice and support. And honestly was getting pretty emotional hearing
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    how the lessons I'm trying to teach my little one resonated with other women, whether they're moms too, or have been through some of the same struggles I have.
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  • Several members of the online community praised this mother for sticking to her convictions and for teaching her daughter a valuable lesson despite what her teacher may have wanted from her. Here's what they had to say about it!

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    jlwolfe6983 Teacher here, and you are definitely NTA. I actually find it quite concerning that the teacher in this situation is trying to justify this boy disrespecting the boundaries of others, female or otherwise. Please provide an update after the meeting with the principal, because I would love to hear their response!
    via protectivemommyg
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    Qwertyu858 Unless you are a doormat, you already know you werent the a hole. Now, be very firm that you want that boy as far as possible of your daughter and that you will personally sue the school and the teacher if something ever happens.
    via protectivemommyg
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    Just-Collar-5517 . You are a fabulous parent. Everything you wrote is correct. In the meeting with the head teacher I would ask to see their safe guarding policy, their behaviour policy and ask that the teacher be given additional training. NTA
    via protectivemommyg

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aita class school students kids teacher parenting girls Terrible Teacher
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